Respect – the Foundation to True Intimacy

By Devaki Devi Dasi

Recently I was invited to give the 15-hour course “Giving and Accepting Shelter” to the devotees in New Vraja Dham in Hungary – a wonderful community with around one hundred devotees living on the property itself, and another one hundred in the nearby village. Those who live on Sri Sri Radha Syamasundara’s property are aspiring to offer their entire life in Their service, without striving for personal economic development. They live a simple life in service to the Deities and the Vaisnavas – even as householders, and are fully maintained by the temple.

HH Sivarama Swami had suggested to have a 90-minute presentation each day during the morning program over five days, followed by further discussions in the afternoons, as a more informal get-together on the veranda outside the little Guest House where I was accomodated. It was a great idea which worked really well, with around sixty devotees attending the morning sessions, and around 25 assembling in the afternoons for further discussions in a more personal setting and atmosphere. This was a very nice way to give as many devotees as possible the opportunity to take part in the seminar – an idea which I might also apply in other communities in the future.

The afternoon sessions gave me an opportunity to get to know the devotees more personally and answer many questions. It allowed a more spontaneous mood, and I was simply following the flow of questions, unpacking the discussions from the morning sessions.

We also had arranged the printed hand-outs to be translated into Hungarian. In this way everyone received the materials of the systematic development of the topic with its nice quotes, and devotees could discuss them further in home programs.

Some years ago the devotees here had already started to put a mentor system into place, and this seminar was meant to give deeper insights into the underlying principles to it. Unless we receive these insights, a system can easily remain a hollow structure, and taking shelter stays more on an external platform of formality. We might accept a mentor externally, as we even may accept Guru, but within our heart we remain independent and ultimately seek shelter somewhere else – in our mind, intelligence, false ego, or even in old habits or relationships with non-devotees. The topic of endeavoring to take shelter accompanies us throughout our whole spiritual practice – it is the very essence of Krsna consciousness.

When discussing the main qualities we need to cultivate in order to be eager for shelter which are in one sense manifestations of humility – namely inquisitiveness, helplessness and respect, it became evident that in material life and its culture people do not strive for these qualities. Instead of being inquisitive people in general prefer to talk about themselves and share their opinions, and inquiring about a topic is seen as being incompetent, inexperienced and ignorant. This is even more so when it comes to feeling helpless. In material life, feeling helpless is considered to be a sign of weakness – almost being a loser. Nobody would strive for helplessly depending on others. However, in spiritual practice it is a sign of advancement – to recognise our tiny and insignificant position, being helplessly dependent on Hari, Guru and the Vaisnavas.

There is no meaning to the word ‘shelter’ unless it originates from feeling helpless. Prabhupada explains in the purport to SB 1.8.26. how one can only chant feelingly when one feels helpless. A proud person, situated in material satisfaction and striving for material progress will not be able to feel helpless, and thus his ability to actually take shelter is impeded.

Humility also manifests in our ability to respect other living entities, and especially Vaisnavas. A humble person will give respect to one and all, whereas a proud person will not be able to respect anybody but rather demand respect for himself. And unless we have genuine respect – how can we feel inspired to take shelter in a more experienced Vaisnava? Any intimate relationship has to be based on deep respect. But in modern days we consider respect to be formality, and we try to create intimacy by throwing out respect. But in return we simply get overfamiliarity – taking each other lightly, and using each other in subtle ways for our own gratification.

Interesting to understand that the very foundation of spiritual culture is respect. Thus the elders are able to pass down traditions, values and standards to the younger generation. Unless there is respect from both sides, this loving exchange cannot take place. In Nectar of Instruction verse 4 Prabhupada comments what guhyam akhyati prcchati means: a more experienced devotee explains, and a less experienced devotee learns from him. This is the confidential loving exchange of giving and accepting shelter which can only take place if respect is the foundation of the relationship.

Maybe this is one reason why we have not managed to establish the Vanaprastha ashram so far. Giving guidance to the younger generation and sharing their wealth of life experience and wisdom is the main and most valuable contribution the elders are making to human society. And this can only take place where giving and accepting shelter based on deep respect is cultivated. When this respect is not there, the elders don’t have any function in human society and are simply seen as a burden.

On my visit to New Vraja Dham I had a two-hour meeting with HH Sivarama Maharaja in the garden outside his house. He gave me a lot of encouragement and good advice how to develop our annual symposium of the Institute for Spiritual Culture in Mayapur. I highly value the fact that he is sacrificing his time and energy and shows such deep interest in this impossible mission of spreading spiritual culture. He is a very deep personality, and it is a great blessing and mercy upon me to have such saintly association. I also had the opportunity to take darshan of his Deities.

During my visit I was invited to take lunch with Maharaja one day, together with a few other visiting devotees from England, who were still here after his Vyasa Puja. It was a wonderful feast with all kinds of delicious preparations. I even broke my no-sugar diet and had a little piece of chocolate cake and ice cream. We were sitting outside in the garden, surrounded by blossoming trees and flowers – a beautiful setting….

I am looking forward to once again offer some humble service to this community in the near future. For further information on this topic please see www.therootsofspiritualculture.net

Your servant, Devaki dd