Hare Krishna,
We dedicate our life in believing something and following something which is not based on our personal experience. Sometimes I get these doubts,
What happens after death?
What happens If we come to know after death that absolute truth is something else?
How can I know what ever i am doing is right thing, if it is not giving peace to the mind and soul?
As we consider this life is precious and should be dedicated in serving Krishna, but my mind tells me
other way around, Life is small, enjoy this material nature when you have opportunity and Krishna doesnt need your service he is self satisfied. After joining ISKCON neither I am enjoying my spiritual life Nor Material life, everytime I try to enjoy I get this guilty feeling and if I dont enjoy I get frustation. How can I understand it ? My mind always seeks for lot of enjoyment, fun, socializaton. Has anybody who is devotee gone through such experience? Am I wrong?
Your Servant
Aakash
Replies
Hare Krsna Aakash prabhu,
PAMHO.
What you have mentioned, I haev seen so many devotees in that situation and having doubts over whether they are following the right path. It is a very normal feeling, be rest assured.
Now how to address this feeling - when you feel guilty at the time of enjoyment (what kind of enjoyment, pls specify), it is because you have tasted some nectar of Krsna Consciousness, thats why the guilt comes. When you are feeling that what you are doing, will it really lead you to eternal bliss, taht is because of faith whihc is not firmed up.
YOu need strong devotee association. If possible, please join a congregational preaching program of your local temple, ideally near your house/ workplace, so that it is possible for you to be regular. It is good fun to be in a group - we learn a lot faster, plus there is strength in numbers.
It is not your fault that the mind tells you to enjoy - after all who knows whether there is anything after death, one life after all..... This is because the soul has got used to enjoying mentality over so many lifetimes, in so many births, that whne we hear that the purpose of life is to serve Krsna, the mind obviously rebels. The way out, is to dovetail our desires with that of Krsna. Suppose, you like going out with friends - you can go out to visit temples with your congregation friends. We organise picnics for our congregation group and we have a lot of fun - visiting temple, arranging for prasadam, there are games, quiz, even antaksari - all related to Krsna. The members are so charged up that they wait for the next time. There is a lot of leg pulling and fun going on at the same time, we are teaching them how to keep Krsna in the centre of their lives. Suppose you like to watch movies - there are a lot of Krsna related cartoons and even movie/ serial on the life of Srila PRabhupada. There are so many lectures, kirtans, temple openings and abhisheks on youtube. Simply search and watch. YOu will not miss TV at all.
Krsna's pastimes in Vrindavan are full of fun, why would He want us to give up having fun and become serious. We only need to become serious in our sadhana - the rest of the time, we can have fun. Whatever talents we have, we can employ in the service of Krsna, that is the beauty of the entire thing.
Haribol prabhu and best of luck to you,
Your servant,
Radha Rasamayi DD
The mind is main player in everything.
Its possible to control mind with austerities like fasting and yoga, but is extremely hard because nobody wanna leave comfort life and go to forest.
Considering all that, the association of those devotees who are already attracted to Krishna katha and singing holy names, is essential.
When mind is attracted with higher taste of sravanam, kirtanam, smaranam,.. the taste for material enjoyment and association of materialists is ceased down.
As you already said, believing or faith is based on personal experience.
Lack of faith can be easy solved by associating with those who have it.
Dear Akash prabhu, Hare Krishna .
Please don't be disheartened. Please understand in whatever stage of bhakti you are everyone must pass through it. Enjoyment or suffering depends fully on our anarthas. We suffer mentally as many devotees tell us that after chanting for this and this time you will see things become normal. But when things don't become normal we become disheartened.
Anarthas are of different type and some types remain upto bhava stage. Just because we are aware there is a anartha nivritti stage before nistha , we think that before nistha all our anarthas are removed and life becomes blissful. It is not like that according to Srila Vishvanath Chakravarty Thakura in Madhurya Kadambini. Before reading that book and getting guidance on this topic I was also desperate like you are now. But after understanding the theory of anartha I have got peace in mind. It might happen but let's not lose confidence and read more and more Krishna and Gaur lilas .
Kindly read the below two links. It helped me a lot to recover . Let me tell you I am aware of some devotees who even wanted to commit suicide. But it was only because they failed to understand the theory of anarthas and expected life to be normal and always blissful. However if you stick to it life will be blissful.
Please don't mind the commentary is from outside Iskcon. I had verified it from senior Iskcon devotees. It is fully sastric and awesome.
https://flowingnectarstream.files.wordpress.com/2015/01/mk_ebook.pdf
Below is a shorter version on anarthas as per Madhurya Kadambini i found on internet.
https://raganugaprembhakti.wordpress.com/anartha-nivritti-removing-...